Unsolicited

Unsolicited advice

It’s the Holiday season; sadly, it’s not a jolly one for most people. Not everyone is looking forward, especially to family gatherings or any form of gatherings at all due to the pressure of being asked or told about unsolicited things. Here comes the body shaming and career or life comparing and it’s just too much for some of us.

“When are getting married? You should do it soon for the baby.”

“You looked fat, you should go on diet.”

“How’s your career doing? This person is earning this and that”

These are just a few of the things that we are expecting to be asked but hoping not to be discussed. If you are like me who’s in your 30s and just living a regular life, these kinds of questions are annoying and can be a little frustrating. But why is it especially the older ones like to bring up these unsolicited things on the table?

Well, this goes back to our old habits of being Maritesses, our relatives like to know things about our lives and just put their opinions to it as if it could really help us elevate our lives. It’s like an itch to their tongue that needs to be scratched but just throwing words that unknowingly hurt people.

Every Christmas I always go home to our ancestral house, and yes I am also a victim of body shaming every damn year. Years back I was so skinny so I would also hear, “you are so skinny, you should eat more and drink supplements.” Then, of course, I got older and when I hit 30 I started gaining weight this time I would hear them say, ” You look fat, you should exercise to look fit.” If you really think about it, whatever weight or size I would be they would always say something.

 

SHOULD I CUT THEM OFF?

 

Say no

 

If it’s already taking a toll on your mental health, definitely yes. You also have the option not to allow or block that unsolicited advice. It is not disrespectful to answer back or to simply cut them off, especially if they are giving their opinions about your personal life. And no, not everyone is entitled to their opinion because they are not being asked to in the first place.

Protect your personal space and don’t allow negativity to come in. You do you, you know how hard it is to keep yourself afloat with your career and finances. You know how hard it is to diet and exercise when things are busy and sometimes you simply want to treat yourself to good food. Life is happening to us every day and we can’t just let them simply dictate our lives, especially since they don’t know how hard it has been keeping the balance between our sanity and life itself.

Better yet, do not come at all. Your presence is not for their insults and negativity so free yourself from any of those by choosing not to be present. We are all a victim of this but it doesn’t mean it should go on like nothing is happening after words are thrown at us. We have the option and we can always say no. No to negativities, no to comparing, no to insults, no to body shaming, no to unsolicited advice.

 

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