When the Holidays Don’t Feel So Merry: Saying No to Body Shaming and Unsolicited Advice

The holiday season is often portrayed as the most wonderful time of the year, bright lights, family reunions, good food, and overflowing joy. But let’s be honest: for many of us, it’s not always merry. Sometimes, it’s a minefield of unwanted comments, comparisons, and conversations that leave us feeling more judged than joyful.

Family gatherings, especially in Filipino culture, can come with an invisible script of questions and remarks no one asked for:

• “When are you getting married?”

• “Don’t wait too long to have another baby.”

• “You gained weight. What happened?”

• “So-and-so is already successful, what about you?”

They’re not just questions. They’re reminders of pressure, expectations, and the feeling of never being enough.

If you’re in your 30s like me, just trying to live a decent, honest life, these comments hit harder than they should. We’re carrying so much already balancing careers, raising kids, managing finances, trying to stay mentally well and yet, we’re still expected to smile through shame disguised as family “concern.”

 

Where Does It Come From?

It’s cultural. The “Marites” mentality where curiosity turns into commentary is deeply ingrained in Filipino households. People feel entitled to ask and tell, even when the words they throw feel like tiny cuts. Whether it’s body shaming, age shaming, or comparing careers, it often comes from older generations who grew up believing that criticism was a form of caring.

But we know better now. And we are allowed to do better for ourselves.

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My Story: Same Gathering, Same Judgment

Every Christmas, I return to our ancestral house, and every time I brace myself.
When I was underweight, I was told to eat more and take vitamins.
Now that I’ve gained weight in my 30s, I hear, “You’re too fat. You should exercise.”
Different body, same judgment. No matter what I look like, there’s always something “wrong.”

And let’s be real: it hurts. These comments linger longer than the holiday food.

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Should You Cut Them Off?

If the gathering becomes more harmful than healing, yes! you have every right to protect yourself.
You can choose silence. You can speak up. You can walk away. You can stay home.

It’s not disrespectful to defend your peace.
It’s not rude to say, “That’s personal, and I’d rather not discuss it.”
It’s not shameful to choose your mental health over tradition.

Not everyone is entitled to speak into your life.
Especially not when they’re adding weight to burdens you’re already trying to carry in silence.

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You Have a Choice

This season, choose yourself.

You’re doing your best. You’re growing at your own pace.
You’re allowed to take up space, in any size, in any season of your life.
You’re allowed to define success on your own terms.

Don’t let comparison rob you of joy. Don’t let unsolicited advice plant seeds of self-doubt.
You are more than your appearance. You are more than your timeline.
You are more than enough—exactly as you are.

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Final Words

If showing up means showing up to be judged, maybe don’t show up at all.
Let this be the year you draw the line.

Say no to body shaming.
Say no to comparisons.
Say no to conversations that make you feel small.
And say yes to peace, to healing, to boundaries, and to growth.

You don’t need to explain your life to anyone. You just need to live it, fully and freely.